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The Family Room by Michelle Martin

June 22, 2008

Holes in her head

Caroline’s sporting some new accessories, these days: two dainty amethyst studs in, her ears.

After months of going back and forth, she, had her ears pierced. Now the studs must remain, in her ears for another few weeks, and, then she will be free to start enjoying the, several pairs of earrings she has received as, gifts over the years from people who didn’t, know her earlobes were hole-less.

It was after receiving some earrings as a, gift at Christmas that Caroline first asked me, if she could have her ears pierced. I remember, having to wait until I was 13 before my, mom allowed me to have mine pierced, but I, also remember taking my sister — with my, mom’s blessing — to have hers done when, she was 10, the same age as Caroline.

And I remember how long my sister had, been begging for pierced ears, and what a, big deal it all became. So when Caroline, asked, I said yes. “Just tell me when you’re, ready.”

That seemed to be a, little too fast for Caroline., “Will it hurt?” she, wanted to know.

I told her it would,, but not too much, and, not for too long, but, that we would have to, take care to clean them, for weeks afterward.

This month, after, school got out for the, year, she was finally, ready, so off we went to a store that specializes, in accessories for pre-teen and teen, girls. Two of the women who worked there, stood on either side of her so they could do, both ears at the same time, getting it over, with as quickly as possible.

When it was done, Caroline said, “That, hurt.” Then she smiled, and said “But I’m, glad I did it.”

For Caroline, it was a victory of will. She, knew what she wanted: to be able to wear, earrings like most of her friends, many of, whom had their ears pierced as infants. But, she knew it would hurt, and she was nervous.

Father Robert Barron, in a talk last year, about virtues, defined courage as doing what, you know is right even if it’s hard.

Having her ears pierced is neither right nor, wrong, so far as I can tell. Catholic teaching, says it’s wrong to mutilate your body, but, that would require doing something that, would impair its function. Earlobes don’t really, appear to have a function, and I’ve never, heard any strictures on pierced ears for girls.

But the skill of steeling your nerve and, going through with something — something, you know you want to do, something you, know you should do, but maybe it’s a little, hard or a little scary — is one that transfers, to all kinds of other experiences in life.

Lord knows, Caroline’s had to do things, like that before. Often, she didn’t really have, a choice, for things like starting at a new, school, or getting a shot at the doctor’s office.

But taking a deep breath and sitting still,, even when she knew it hurt, and even when, she knew she could walk away, was hard for, Caroline, and it allowed her to prove something, to herself. And she got some pretty earrings, out of it, too.

Martin is assistant editor of the Catholic New World. Contact her at [email protected].