When Vicki Thorn started Project Rachel in the Archdiocese of Milwaukee in 1984, no one else was talking about helping women heal after they had abortions. Now in dioceses around the country and the world, Project Rachel —a post-abortion healing ministry — has helped thousands of women. Thorn is now founder and executive director of the National Office for Post-Abortion Reconciliation and Healing, which networks with care providers and organizations that assist people affected by abortion.

The office is organizing the “Reclaiming Fatherhood” conference Sept. 8-9 at the Marriott Hotel in Oak Brook. The conference is sponsored by the Knights of Columbus and the Archdiocese of Chicago’s Office for Evangelization. A similar conference in San Francisco drew about 175 people last year.

Thorn discussed the effect abortion has on men in a telephone and e-mail interview with assistant editor Michelle Martin.

Catholic New World: What effect does abortion have on men, and is there any evidence to back that up?

Vicki Thorn: Whenever an abortion decision happens, both a man and a woman are involved, and the potential for both to be wounded is very real. There have been 40 million to 45 million abortions in this country (since 1973), and every one of them had a father. Even if only 1 percent of them are affected, that’s still significant from a public health standpoint.

From the time I first started Project Rachel — it will be 25 years ago in 2009 — men have called me for help on this. No one has talked about it, so they’re not sure how they’re supposed to feel about it.

Men have hormonal changes when their wives are pregnant, too, and afterwards, their testosterone level never goes back to where it was when they were bachelors. For many of them, there is an incredible sense of loss. If they did not want her to have the abortion, there is often a lack of trust in women.

When men call, we ask, “Are you the father?” and a lot of them say no. Then we ask if the baby was theirs, and they say yes, and we say, “Then you’re a father.”

Will every man suffer? I don’t know. They soothe their pain in different ways. They soothe their pain with booze, they soothe their pain with drugs, they soothe their pain with sexual addiction, which means they don’t have to commit to a woman.

CNW: If there is no evidence (either way), then why hasn’t the issue been studied more?

Thorn: This issue has been ignored by everyone. No one has thought that men would have aftermath. Politically speaking, the pro-abortion side does not want to even think about this. It might mean men might have some rights. The pro-life movement bought the story that it is a woman’s choice and they too haven’t given this much thought.

CNW: Is the issue getting more attention now?

Thorn: Yes, because the Knights of Columbus see this as an important issue and so we have finally been able to speak about it at a conference and bring the handful of people who know about this together to share with others.

There’s a also the Sons of Adam, which is kind of a support group, although a lot of men are not interested in support groups. People are beginning to think of ways to reach out to men who have been affected by abortion. When we did our conference in San Francisco, we had priests, deacons and ministers of other faiths, because that’s who they can go to man-to-man, one-on-one, for healing.

CNW: Why is there more attention on this issue now?

Thorn: A few men have begun to speak about their experience and so more people are hearing about it. I guess the time is right. That’s my observation from Project Rachel. I had been thinking about it for years, and when it happened, it happened in six weeks. That’s the same sort of experience I’m having with this. I was able to share this dream with the Supreme Knight, and the knights got behind it with their support. As the Spirit moves, the time is right.

I feel like we’re two steps ahead with this. We started with an international conference last year; it took a while to get Project Rachel to that point. But we’re starting in a different place. With 25 years of Project Rachel behind us, it’s a different way of looking at things.

CNW: In your work with Project Rachel, what have you learned about the role men play in women’s decisions to have abortions?

Thorn: They have been told that they are irrelevant, that it’s the woman’s choice. When we did the San Francisco conference, there were stories that were like, “How dare men have feelings about this?” and that if we honored men’s feelings, we were going to return to the patriarchy.

But a lot of the women we helped wished that their partner had said something. Men don’t feel in many cases that they have the power to say “Please don’t.”

Men play a lot of different roles. At one end, there are the men who force their partner to have an abortion, and at the other there are the ones who will tell their partner that they will go to court to establish paternity and get custody, or those who say they will marry their partner. They may first have gone along with it, then changed their minds. Or they may say, I didn’t want her to do it, but my friends said I couldn’t say anything. Then there are those who find out there was a pregnancy or abortion after the fact, and got cut out of everything.

CNW: Does the role they play (e.g., either encouraging them to have an abortion, or trying to stop it) change the way they respond afterwards?

Thorn: Yes, it does and it may play a part in how soon the problem emerges in his life. Those who were opposed have an immediate reaction that may last for years. Those who it seemed to serve at the time may not confront what happened until years later.

CNW: How many women has Project Rachel helped?

Thorn: Thousands and thousands. There are no actual numbers because a lot of it is sacramental ministry. We’re in 160 dioceses. The minimum number of calls is usually two a week. If there’s something happening, it’s many more. Project Rachel is a ministry of the Catholic Church, it’s run by the church, but it’s open to any woman.

CNW: Where do you go from here?

Thorn: We haven’t even started talking about siblings or other family members and how they are affected. Abortion is always a life-changing event — for everybody.

When we talk about the aftermath of abortion, one thing we emphasize is that this is the normal response of a woman who has lost a child in a traumatic fashion. These women are not certifiable; they are certifiably normal. It’s a grief response.

The men also are responding with grief, grief over lost fatherhood.

For information or to register for the Sept. 8-9 event, visit menandabortion.info or call (800)5WE-CARE.