Cardinal's Column, Calendar & Appointments

The late Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen wrote a book about marriage to explain that a Catholic couple welcomes into their marriage a third party: Jesus Christ. Christ is the partner that seals a man and a woman’s love for one another and makes it holy for them and for their children. Sheen entitled his book: “Three to Get Married” (New York: Appleton-Century Crofts, 1951).

The Family Ministries Office of the Archdiocese has just published a book called “In the Spirit of Cana” (Guidelines for Pastoral Outreach to Christian Marriage: Formation, Preparation, Celebration and Continuing Education). The title is obviously longer and perhaps more prosaic than Archbishop Sheen’s, but the message is the same; there is much more to marriage than romantic love. Even on Valentine’s Day, which was celebrated in February, married couples know that a lifetime of marriage requires a lifetime of effort and commitment, of sensitivity, of rugged fidelity, of chastity, of reliance on God’s help given in the sacrament of matrimony and of love made strong by self-giving.

For over 60 years, the Cana Office of the Archdiocese of Chicago has been preparing couples for matrimony. Our Cana program has become a model for many other dioceses. The divorce rate among Catholics here is somewhat lower than in the rest of society. Something is working well, and I am grateful to the priests, married couples, deacons and others who cooperate with Frank Hannigan and the Family Ministries Office in ministry to couples preparing for marriage. The new Marriage Ministry Guidelines can be another trailblazer in marriage preparation.

The Marriage Ministry Guidelines are the product of over five years of work. They began in a survey sent in 1999 to all the pastors of the archdiocese. The work continued in committee, of course; single, married, divorced and remarried people all contributed insights, along with research data from social scientists that addressed the pastors’ concerns. I am grateful to all who helped and to the final writing team that continued to consult me and others as the document was put together.

The Guidelines offer a pastoral and practical set of objectives for pastors and laity working to strengthen marriage in the Church. The first section, on formation, shows how expectations about marriage are shaped, from home and school and popular culture. A couple coming to celebrate the sacrament of matrimony in the Church come with their own idea of what they think marriage is. They are in love and want to spend a lifetime together. The period of preparation, described in the Guidelines’ second section, brings their ideas and the Church’s teaching on marriage into conversation. Whatever their reason for wanting to be married in Church, even if they have been absent from the life of the Church for sometime, it is the action of the Holy Spirit that brings them to the Church, which should welcome and encourage them.

The Guidelines help the couple examine their intent to marry. They study their strengths and discover new challenges. If they have been living together, which is morally wrong in itself, they have to struggle with the evidence that cohabitation is more often a preparation for breaking up rather than a preparation for life long marriage. They attend a workshop in Christian Sexuality and an introduction to Natural Family Planning. NFP today bears little resemblance to the “rhythm” method of 40 years ago, except in its conviction, from Scripture, that life and love in God are always one and should therefore never be separated in the sexual experience of those made in God’s image and likeness. As part of their preparation to live together in matrimony, couples are encouraged to discover their new social responsibilities by helping at a soup kitchen or a local PADS shelter, by tutoring children or visiting the elderly. Working together for others helps strengthen a man and a woman as a couple, a new entity in the life of the community and the Church.

The Guidelines have a section on the actual wedding ceremony itself. The sacramental preparation for marriage through prayer and some time in retreat, the making of a good confession and a deepening of their understanding of matrimony as an action of Christ uniting them for life prepare a man and a woman who are Catholic for the nuptial Mass that marks their wedding day. After the wedding, the couple is asked to attend two continuing education workshops in their first year of marriage. The highest divorce rates are in the first three years of marriage, and the Church wants to be present to the couple during this time. Prayer together and weekly attendance at Mass strengthen the couples’ connection to Christ as the “third partner” in their relationship from the beginning of their graced life together.

There is much more in the Guidelines: the norms for mixed marriages, for the validation of a non-sacramental marriage and approaches to other situations that couples find themselves in. Questions about marriages of people from different cultures and races are addressed. Guidelines for parish staff and others assisting the couple are included. The Guidelines go into effect July 1, 2005. They are available online: www.inthespiritofcana.org.

Please include in your prayers couples who are marrying in the Church. It’s the greatest gift you can give them. Pray also for a successful implementation of these Guidelines in all the parishes of the Archdiocese. The objective is to change the culture of marriage from uncertainty about the future to one based on the sure and certain hope that Christ will help a man and a woman to become saints together through their marriage and their family life.

God bless you.