02/18/01

Celebrating St. Valentine’s Day…

My own take on St. Valentine’s Day is influenced by the fact that it’s the anniversary of my baptism. Baptism is the beginning of a love affair with God that issues into eternal life. It is also the sacrament that makes participation in all the other sacraments, including marriage, possible.

There was a song some years ago about love and marriage going together like a horse and carriage. Today there are also songs that tell of love without marriage and of sex without love. The celebration of Valentine’s Day has become a celebration of romantic love, with or without marriage. Romantic love is a beautiful experience, but love is more than romance.

There are many biological analyses of sexual impulses and attraction. There are many psychological analyses of human loving and of how a man and a woman can have a marriage which brings happiness to both them and their children. The Church’s contribution to reflection on sex and love and marriage comes from her contemplation of her Lord. Recently, Pope John Paul II, after comparing the Church to a bride and a mother, spoke of the Church as “a sign raised up among the nations to witness to the intensity of divine love revealed in Christ, especially in giving his own life.”

		‘Because marriage, public and social in nature, is the context in which we truly understand our sexual natures, sexual activity is never purely private. When we try to make sex “a private matter”, we trivialize sex and lose the sense of who we really are.’

Sacramental marriage in Catholic theology is a covenant between a baptized man and a baptized woman united in Christ. It therefore takes on the characteristics of the relationship between an infinitely loving God and the people He wills to love for all eternity. Because God is the author of marriage, the bond of matrimony unites, makes fruitful and lasts until the death of one of the partners.

Again, because God is the author of marriage, the covenant between husband and wife is born in their free consent to marry one another. This consent is publicly witnessed by the Church, which, with each marriage, rejoices in a new source of grace for her children. Marriage is not a private affair. It changes not only the relationship between a man and a woman but also between their families and all those who know them. Marriage in the Church changes all of us who are believers. This is why marriage, along with the sacrament of Holy Orders, is called a social sacrament. It changes everyone’s life, not just the lives of those who enter into a particular marriage covenant. Everyone therefore has a stake in the success of a marriage.

Because marriage, public and social in nature, is the context in which we truly understand our sexual natures, sexual activity is never purely private. When we try to make sex “a private matter”, we trivialize sex and lose the sense of who we really are. We can even begin to think that we are merely animals, for whom sex is basically instinctual, and look to the study of primates for clues to understanding what it means to be “truly” human. Instead of being a source of contentment and joy which brings hope to an entire life, “private” sex ends in frustration and tears and, often, bitter estrangement. Not only a divine commandment but human experience itself tells us fornication and adultery are sins.

The best preparation for faithful marriage is a chaste life. Our youth groups and young adult programs should help young men and women understand this truth and live it. Our teaching in catechetics and homilies should also help people understand why celibacy for the sake of God’s kingdom is integral to the Gospel of Jesus Christ and is possible because of the strength of God’s grace. Celibacy, too, is social in nature. It builds up the Church and makes her more fruitful. This is a strange truth, although no stranger than the proclamation that Jesus is truly risen from the dead in his own crucified body. Today, however, since sex has more or less become the national religion, those who purposely refrain from practicing it become suspect. If Catholic priests and consecrated women and men did not publicly promise to live chastely as celibates, there would be a lot less curiosity and speculation about their lives.

The Second Vatican Council called the family a “domestic church” (Lumen gentium 11). In the family, the connection between sex and love and marriage becomes clear. In the home, children who are the fruit of the love between husband and wife first learn of God’s love and begin their journey of faith. This journey begins with great security when a child comes to understand that his mother and father love him because they love one another and God. Celebrating St. Valentine’s day can literally bring that lesson home. It’s a beautiful day.

Sincerely yours in Christ,

Francis Cardinal George, OMI
Archbishop of Chicago

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