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October 26, 2008

Pornography addiction is not fair but it’s real

By Sister Helena Burns, FSP

CONTRIBUTOR

Pornography addiction is one of the most difficult addictions to overcome because not only is the body addicted to its own chemicals and hormones, but at times, no outside stimulus is needed, one has only to recall the pornographic images already stored in one’s brain. It’s not fair.

Another reason porn is so addictive is the incredible, diabolical ease with which one becomes hooked. You don’t have to buy anything. Pornography is not illegal. You don’t have to leave the house. It’s portable if you do leave the house. It’s available 24/7. No one will know if you’re using it, at least at first. And, if you use a computer at all, you’re going to see porn whether you want to or not. You will be solicited. It’s not fair.

With alcohol, you may or may not be an alcoholic. You’ll find out if you start drinking. With porn, everyone, in a sense, is a pornaholic because everyone has a body, everyone is a sexual being.

All it can take is one look to become hooked. One of the most basic human actions. Looking. Seeing.

Since men are aroused visually, porn is much more addictive for them. However, women, too, are increasingly becoming addicted to porn, and this also needs to come out in the open, lest women think that their porn addiction is worse, more unforgivable, less feminine somehow.

Porn ruins the best gift God gave us: each other. The gift of woman to man and man to woman. Or, as Pope John Paul II says in his theology of the body: woman for man and man for woman. What could be more diabolical?

Porn addiction is a “new” way (because of its newfound availability and prevalence through the Internet) for men especially to abandon their families. It’s not fair.

Tips for living

What do you do in sports when an athlete doesn’t play fair? You eliminate them. You disqualify them. If you knew from the start that this person wasn’t going to play fair, you’d never let them on the team. So, with porn (which doesn’t play fair) don’t take the “first drink,” as they say in Alcoholics Anonymous. Just don’t. You are not immune to a porn addiction. If you were, you’d probably be one of the only people on the planet who was.

But how can we prevent that first, unsolicited drink that gets poured down our throats against our will when we’re, say, 10 years old?

It’s not going to be easy. Should we unplug and head for the hills and opt out of the media culture that we’re all swimming in and depending on in so many ways? That’s a decision that everyone has to make for themselves and their families. (And is it even possible?)

If you opt to stay in the media culture and use computers, cable/dish TV, cell phones, etc., (all porn gateways) here are some action items.

  • Pray. Live a sacramental life.
  • Cultivate wholesome friendships, both male and female.
  • Find ways to make a gift of self: volunteer, get involved. (Charity is its own reward.)
  • Find a wise spiritual director.
  • Get a serious porn blocker for your computer / TV.
  • Get help immediately for porn problems.
  • Instruct yourself, your family and others in theology of the body.
  • Communicate your values about sexuality in an open, positive way with your children of all ages. Constantly.
  • Be honest with your spouse about any and all sexual failings as they happen.
  • Have TVs and computers in public areas of your home. Have designated times for use. (There is software available for timing and tracking of computer use.)
  • Talk to your children about porn.
  • Have your children report to you any porn that makes its way into your home.
  • Communicate constantly with your children about the true love that God wants for them and how to attain it.

Unfortunately, porn is a part of all of our lives now. (It’s so not fair.) Deal with it.

Burns, who ministers in Chicago, has a philosophy/theology degree from St. John’s University, N.Y.