Interview: DePaul coach finds faith, life lessons on court-06/26/05

How did your accident change you?
Jerry Wainwright: I think I got a second chance. You reevaluate sometimes because of adversity and certain things that happen to you. We were in an accident on the Indiana Toll Road, and I wound up in the hospital for close to two months. Obviously the greatest blessing out of the whole thing is that none of the kids were killed, none of them were paralyzed. I probably had the worst injuries because I didn’t have a seat belt on and I was in the front. …

When it happened, I hit a tremendous period of pity. Why did this happen to me? I didn’t count my blessings until I stayed in the hospital for a period of time and I saw other people whose whole lives were changed or there was death. Really, when you look at what happened to me, it was minor on the scale of what had happened to other people. That made me look at my life in a much more positive way. I think sometimes you’re conditioned to look at what you don’t have instead of what you do have.
The other thing is that I was probably somebody who was focused on the end result than the process. I really started looking at things in my life much differently and tried to slow down a little and enjoy the moment and not worry so much about what was ahead and concentrate on what I did have.

TCNW: How did that change your faith life?
JW: About five years later, I just happened to see this little church in downtown Winston-Salem, and I walked in. They had a noon Mass, and there was a Franciscan priest in there. His name was Father Ed Holden. I just loved how he presented Mass and how he spoke and so I started going every day and developed a relationship with him.
When I left Wake Forest University, I went to Wilmington, N.C., and I found a church down there—St. Mark’s. They had a 7 a.m. daily Mass. I was easily the youngest person, but I met a wonderful, wonderful group of people, and seeing them every morning was almost like charging a battery.

When I left Wilmington, I went to Richmond (Va.), and I found a priest rather than a church. His name was Father Joe D’Aurora. He was the chaplain at the Catholic hospital, Bon Secours. Obviously, his job was to comfort people. The sacraments he administered the most were last rites. They had a Mass at 12:30 in the afternoon at the hospital. I would go over there every day because of Fr. Joe. It is very, very humbling to walk through the halls of a hospital and go to Mass. Every day you will have people in there who are obviously praying for loved ones. There’s a lot of things happening there that really keep your life in perspective.

One of the things that happens as you get older is that you pray more because of things rather than for things. When you’re younger, you pray sometimes for things. Please let me get this job, or please let me win this game. As you get older, you recognize—no matter who you are and what your faith is, when you face your faith you start to think about, you know what, I really have been given a wonderful opportunity in my life. So you start to pray because of that, not for it. It’s more of a payback.

TCNW: How does your spiritual life affect how you do it?
JW: Everybody coaches. What coaching is all about is recognizing and isolating your limitations or weaknesses and trying to make those weaknesses or limitations strengths. It’s somewhat diagnostic in that you’re trying to identify ways to help the kids you’re coaching.
But you also have to make young people recognize how truly fortunate they are. I’m dealing with kids who are probably in the upper 2-3 percent in this country physically. They’ve got tremendous God-given talents and physical prowess. They have to understand there’s a responsibility with those talents and those physical gifts. Part of what you have to do—and I think all good coaches do it—you have to teach the game of basketball as part of the game of life.

You want kids to appreciate what they have, really appreciate it, be significant role models to younger kids. They’re going to be put in the position of being in the public eye, and what they do can change a young kid’s life. Their ability to do it is a little more than some of the other students because they are given access to do it. How they conduct themselves when they’re in the community, how they treat other people around them will have a great effect.

The other thing is that I’m a process guy. I’m not into winning and losing, I’m into learning the right process. I don’t think you should ever do anything ad somebody tell me many years ago, the more you give the more you get. No matter what faith you have, whether you’re a Buddhist or a Muslim or a Catholic or a Protestant, I think that would be a tenet of all faiths. Unselfish basketball is winning basketball. Being unselfish in your life means you are going to be a positive leader and a role model in life. What you do as a coach is you take moments with your team, and what I’ve always said to them is, in your own way have a good thought. In your own way, take the time to ask for help or to give thanks.

TCNW: How do you relate sports to faith?
JW: All fans would say this would be a good thing to say about a team: “They’re a spirited team. They play with a lot of spirit.”
Obviously, we’re talking about a different connotation of the word spirit. But it is still a backbone part of the word “spirituality.” What you’re doing is controlling your emotions in a positive way that represents good.
I’m not trying to be too deep, but we all have to do that. Most people, if they were given an opportunity, would take some quiet contemplative time every day. I would contend that you have to make that opportunity. You have to somehow find that time every day. Most people are traveling too fast; I know I was. Sometimes you have to slow yourself down and just take a deep breath.
What you find out when you do that is that most people are too hard on themselves. Certainly that’s true with basketball players. Basketball players have to deal with mistakes. It is a game of mistakes. So is life. That’s why you have the word forgiveness. One of the things you have to do most of all is forgive yourself. People are way too hard on themselves.

TCNW: In what way?
JW: You face this all the time. People say I’m not pretty enough or I’m not strong enough. People have a tendency to put themselves down based on outside values. We’re a brand-name kind of country right now. These are hard times for young people to grow up, because if you don’t wear the right kind of jeans, you could be ostracized or put down.
Ultimately, you have to recognize that we’re all put here for a reason, and that should give you a tremendous amount of confidence. I don’t know what that reason is. You spend your life trying to figure out that reason. But you’re here.
If you really think about the process of creation, it’s an unbelievable process. It’s overwhelming. So there must be a reason I’m here. There hasn’t been anyone like me before me, and there won’t be anyone like me after me, so for whatever purpose, that’s for me to try to find out.
When I figured that out, it gave me confidence.

TCNW: Now that you know that, what do you do?
JW: It is really, really hard to be a good person. We all have our demons. You have the anger—what I do for a living has such a high emotional toll. I am so far from where a person needs to be and what a person should be. But I feel good about the fact that I know that. I am frustrated sometimes that I have lapses.
Your faith is consistent; how you apply it is difficult. That’s an ongoing process. It’s humbling, but it’s stimulating to know I can still be better in these areas. …
You just can’t be so hard on yourself that you’re paralyzed into not doing anything. It’s amazing what you can do. My sport is one of repetition. The worst thing about basketball is repetition. The best thing about basketball is repetition. When I work with little kids at camps and even older kids at the collegiate level, they will say, “I can’t,” and that is totally unacceptable unless they add the word “yet.” The “yet” part is the number of repetitions.

What I’m all about in coaching is that there’s only two things we can control: Our effort and our preparation. We cannot control results. Isn’t that definition of most faiths?

Did I figure that out when I was younger? No. But when I did, it made things a lot easier, because I got realistic expectations, and I got a lot more confidence. I can control those two things. That, in a nutshell is where I’m at in my life. Certainly, I’m not satisfied with anything, but I’m appreciative of everything. Perspective is an ongoing process. The greatest thing about perspective is the fight to keep it.