Partnering with parents: some reflections

Late last year, pastors, principals, directors of religious education and youth ministers from Lake County and Northwest Suburban Cook County met together to discuss ways to better partner with parents in the religious formation of children.

Two members of the Office of Catechesis, Jackie Pokorny and Tom Quinlan, facilitated the sessions. These important gatherings came out of a recommendation from two deanery task forces led by John Price (St. Mary’s, Lake Forest) and Terry Bergman (St. Julian Eymard, Elk Grove Village) that reflected on ways to enhance our programs of catechesis in Catholic schools and the catechetical programs of our parishes.

During the meeting, the participants had a chance to listen to some parents share their observations. The parents indicated that they felt unprepared to take on their role as primary educators of their children. They observed that family life today is hectic, stretched, draining.

		‘Clearly the culture we are in does not do a good job in supporting family life. Parishes need to step in and assist parents in their responsibility.

“We are forever taking the kids from one activity to another. There never seems to be enough time. You drop the children off at religion class and off you go to another activity. At home there are few opportunities to talk about the faith.”

In the Oct. 20, 2000 issue of the magazine Commonweal, Jo McGowan wrote an article entitled, “Too Much, Too Soon, Too Often: Raising Children in America.” She raised her children in India and after visiting the United States recently, reflected on her contention that it is much easier to raise children in India where the culture is much less intrusive. She wrote, “American parents spend so much time either keeping the culture at bay or working actively to counteract its effect on their children.”

She identified three aspects of American culture that make it hard to raise children. First, in America, there are too many choices opening up the possibility for children to expect parents to drop everything to attend to their needs. Second, in America, portions are too large, encouraging children to feel that they are entitled to whatever they want. Finally, in America, there are too many distractions leading to a frantic pace of life with never enough time to just be together as a family doing the same old things.

It is obvious to anyone who is attentive that parenting today is more challenging than ever. It is critical that parents and those involved in catechetical formation in our parishes work together to support one another’s efforts. Parents, parents, teachers, catechists, youth ministers cannot go it alone.

As a result of the meeting we held in the vicariate, I wrote a letter to parents published in parish bulletins. I asked for their comments and observations either by mail or by e-mail. I was amazed at the response. (As an aside, interaction between parishioners and bishops, priests and parish staffs may be enhanced just by extending an invitation to respond by e-mail to a homily, letter or parish bulletin article. I found the interaction surprising and engaging.)

Among the responses sent in by e-mail were suggestions that pastors need to teach more directly in the pulpit, the bulletin and at whatever occasions are available. Cardinal George said recently that every time a parish meets or gathers with parishioners for whatever reason there should be at least three minutes of catechesis. Parents affirm that. They are deeply aware that they know far too little about their faith.

Parents need encouragement. This came through loud and clear. Parenting is tough work and the church can provide needed affirmation. Sometimes parents have felt abandoned and, in some instances, not welcomed by our parishes.

Many asked for more adult formation. One person suggested having an occasional “Parent University” similar to what is done in public school districts. This full day assembly provides workshops and programs geared to specific needs of children at various age levels. A number of parents asked that parish programs provide parallel programs for parents, which they could attend while their children are in classes. Family Involvement in Religious Education (F.I.R.E.), a program offered at St. Anne’s in Barrington and several other parishes, involves catechetical sessions as a family. The family learns together. Some wrote to say how helpful this has been.

Others suggested a weekly or monthly “Family Night” as is done in some Protestant churches where families could come together to study Scripture or the Catholic Catechism. Parents expressed a hunger for more understanding of the Scriptures and what we believe as a church. Several indicated that they had participated in the RCIA program and wondered if a similar model for parents or families could be developed.

A suggestion was made that all our Catholic schools and programs of catechesis would offer a parent visitation day, parent curriculum night or parent conference night as a way of inviting parents into our programs. Some suggested sending out outlines of the catechetical program with supplemental materials the parent could use at home to reinforce what is learned in class. This is already being done in some places.

In the end it was clear that many parents would welcome the introduction of a family perspective into all that is done in parishes. Clearly the culture we are in does not do a good job in supporting family life. Parishes need to step in and assist parents in their responsibility. That is happening in many instances.

I look forward to attending some parent nights sponsored by our Catholic schools and programs of catechesis. There is much more to be learned by listening to parents describe the challenges and joys they experience. Our principals, DREs and youth ministers intend to keep this issue of better partnering with parents on their agendas. I look forward to some new ideas that will emerge.

If you have any suggestions or comments, please write: Most Rev. Gerald F. Kicanas, 200 N. Milwaukee Ave., Libertyville, IL 60048 or e-mail at [email protected].

Sincerely yours in Christ,

Gerald F. Kicanis
Auxiliary Bishop of Chicago

(Cardinal George's Column will return)