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Fostering families By Michelle Martin If someone drew a picture of the ideal foster family, it would probably look something like the Stachowiaks or the Gonzalezes. Both families were licensed to accept foster children through Catholic Charities of the Archdiocese of Chicago, the largest private agency that contracts with the state to provide services to foster children. Maria Gonzalez and Michelle Stachowiak both speak at information meetings for prospective foster parents and promote foster parenting in other ways. The two families—who have taken in more than 40 abused, neglected or abandoned children between them—applaud Illinois’ efforts to come to a permanent resolution for foster children faster. Under current guidelines, state officials must try to decide within about 18 months whether a child in foster care can ever return home. If the state decides that a child will not be able to return home, he or she can then be adopted. Under the old rules, many children stayed in foster care for years without knowing whether they would ever go home or be adopted. Ironically, the Stachowiaks and the Gonzalezes stopped taking in children—at least temporarily—because they adopted children they were fostering. The number of adoptions has increased the need for new foster parents, said Heidi Darville, director of foster parent development for Catholic Charities of the Archdiocese of Chicago. Catholic Charities provides services for more children in foster care than any of the other private organizations that contract with the Department of Children and Family Services. Nearly 30,000 Illinois children are in foster care; Catholic Charities provides services to 2,300 in Cook and Lake counties. As of February 2000, the agency had 687 licensed fosters homes. To meet the demand for service, it must license another 150 homes every year. To license 150 new foster homes a year, Catholic Charities must get 1,800 initial inquiries, Darville said. Catholic Charities uses foster parents like the Gonzalezes and the Stachowiaks to recruit new foster parents, said Laurie Kaufman, the program assistant for foster parent development. The agency also posts fliers in grocery stores, uses public service announcements and sends speakers to parishes around the archdiocese. An advertisement on public transit sparked Maria Gonzalez’s call to Catholic Charities. Her husband, Ron, brought the phone number home after the couple considered adopting, but decided they could help more children as foster parents. The phone call is the first step, Darville said. During the initial phone call, a Catholic Charities staff member will ask a few questions to find out if someone might qualify. After the phone call, the prospective foster parent must attend an information meeting and go through a three- or four-month screening process before being licensed. Those who become foster parents through Catholic Charities will get support from the agency’s caseworkers. “I’ve even called them with questions about my own kids,” Maria Gonzalez said. Foster parents also get a small financial stipend to help defray the children’s expenses. Money is available to help pay for day care if the foster parents work or go to school, and the state pays for the children’s medical expenses. The families are expected to provide loving and patient care to the children, help teach them social skills and provide positive experiences for them. The Gonzalezes, who were already raising two daughters when they became foster parents, do an exemplary job, according to their licensing caseworker. They took in their first foster children in April and June of 1994. They adopted those girls, biological sisters Judy, 9, and Luz, 7, in November 1999. They also adopted Dominique, 4, who first came to them as a foster child. Their biological daughters, Genevieve and Rebecca, are now 19 and 18. The original goal for Judy and Luz was to return to their biological mother, Maria Gonzalez said. That’s the goal for most children in foster care. When it became apparent the girls’ biological mother wouldn’t be able to take them back, the Gonzalezes didn’t hesitate to say they would adopt them. But Maria Gonzalez said she was in tears for the girls’ biological mother when her parental rights were terminated last year. “I was happy they were staying, but I felt her hurt, too,” Gonzalez said, adding that she had to learn to empathize with her foster children’s birth parents. “If you cut her, she bleeds the same as me.” But Gonzalez, who lives in Lyons, said foster children also need a sense of permanency as soon as possible. The girls were in her home more than five years before being adopted. “It’s like they have no identity,” she said. “They’re here, but they’re also there.” Judy showed her confusion by refusing to write her last name on her school papers, until the adoption went through and she legally became Judy Gonzalez. Neither girl will ride in a van—even those belonging to their grandmother or aunt—unless their mother is with them. Maria Gonzalez thinks they are afraid they will be taken away, because Catholic Charities transporters use vans. The Gonzalezes asked Catholic Charities to stop sending them foster children temporarily before the girls’ adoption, because seeing other foster children come and go made it harder for them to believe they would never have to leave. The Gonzalezes still haven’t removed the hold request, even though they accepted an infant for a week in March. Maria Gonzalez admits she probably would take another baby if a Catholic Charities caseworker called, but she doesn’t think she has space for an older child. Michelle and Michael Stachowiak also praised the state’s permanency initiative. Many of the more than 30 children the family has fostered, including the three the family adopted, were born exposed to drugs or have other conditions that require lots of love and consistency. “It’s been way overdue,” Michael Stachowiak said. “We’ve seen so many kids come in here who have been from foster home to foster home. That’s not good for them.” Seeing the effect that had on children prompted the Stachowiaks to ask to keep Alex, now 5, until he could go home to his mother, even though he was sent to them on a temporary basis as an infant. When it became evident that he could never live with his birth mother, the family adopted him. But the case took so long to be resolved that the family adopted Hannah, 3, and Shauna, 2, who also arrived in the home as infants, before Alex’s adoption was final. The Stachowiaks, who now live in far South suburban Frankfort, had four biological sons before they adopted the three children. With seven children between the ages of 16 and 2 1/2, they no longer meet DCFS guidelines, which call for no more than six children under 18 in the home, including all biological, adopted and foster children. Sometimes, Michelle Stachowiak said, she thinks she could take care of more kids, and wishes the state would allow it. Other times, she realizes she has enough to handle right now. “I’m getting to the point where I realize I can’t save them all,” she said, as Shauna and Hannah took turns climbing in and out of her lap. Alex, just home from his early childhood education program, ran in and out of the room, while his older brothers—Jack, 16, Drew, 14, Steven, 10, and Luke, 8—skated outside or played in the basement. Although they can’t take any more foster children now, Michelle Stachowiak still promotes foster parenting by speaking about it and maintaining a web site with information (members.tripod.com/momuv7/rainbowfam). “When you talk to people about it, their main concern is, ‘How do you love them and let them go?’” she said. “But it’s worth the heartbreak, having had them. You just do the best you can for them for the time you’re allowed. To become a licensed foster parent through Catholic Charities, you must be at least 22 years old and your home must have adequate bedroom space, adequate heat and light and be clean and free of any visible hazards. Foster parents can be single or married for at least two years. The screening process includes several visits by a social worker, fingerprinting of everyone in the household 18 and over and criminal background checks of everyone in the household 13 or older. All pets must have current vaccinations. Prospective foster parents also must attend an information meeting and three pre-licensing training sessions. “We do screen our families quite closely,” said Laurie Kaufman, program assistant for foster parent development, said. “But if someone is interested, we want them to call. Then we can determine if they qualify.” For more information on becoming a foster parent through Catholic
Charities, call (312) 655-7200 for English and (312) 655-7205
for Spanish.
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