Honoring marriage on Valentine’s Day

By Michelle Martin
Staff writer

St. Valentine’s Day commemorates the death of a third-century martyr, beaten and beheaded by the Romans for refusing to forsake his Christian ideals—which had nothing to do with Cupid, flowers or candy hearts. Little did he know that his name would be invoked centuries afterward as part of a commercial orgy in the name of romantic love.

While most nowadays drop the “Saint” from “Valentine’s Day,” some churches in the archdiocese are using the occasion to remind people of the sanctity of married love with special recognition of married couples, marriage and anniversary celebrations, and a Mass of support for widows and widowers.

Andrew Lyke, director of the archdiocesan marriage ministry, and his wife, Terri, recently held a training session for a new pilot program to support newly married couples at St. Ailbe Parish.

The “God-Couple” program will pair newlyweds with marriage veterans who will share their stories, their prayer and their faith, Lyke said. The four couples who attended the training session will be asked to see the newly married couples they are paired with four times over the course of a year, and possibly on their own after that.

The idea is to give newly married couples an example of a lasting marriage, and someone they can talk to about the realities of married life.

“This is in response to the idea that after they’ve gone through PreCana and we marry them, we’re done with them,” Lyke said. “When we have them in PreCana, we talk to them about marriage, but it’s all still theory for them. Once couples are married and the glow starts to wear off, it’s like, ‘Where’s the love now?’”

Lyke hopes the mentoring program will spread to other parishes, because it promises benefits for the mentor couples as well as the newlyweds just by showing them that the community as a whole values them and values their marriage.

“Many, many couples have lights to be shined,” he said.

Several parishes throughout the archdiocese will recognize those couples the weekend of Feb. 12-13 with celebrations of World Marriage Day, sponsored by Worldwide Marriage Encounter Inc., Lyke said. Suggested ways of observing the day include a renewal of marriage vows at Mass, a display of parishioners’ wedding pictures or reflections on the meaning of marriage in the parish bulletin.

St. Francis of Assisi/Our Lady of the Angels Parish planned to go one step further, hosting a wedding Mass for eight couples in honor of St. Valentine and the jubilee year. Some of the couples who will exchange vows at the 5 p.m. Mass Feb. 12 are being married for the first time; others have had civil marriages but never had their unions blessed by the church, said pastor Father Nick Desmond. One couple was married civilly 40 years ago, but never had a church wedding, he said.

“They’re Catholic enough to believe they can’t have Communion if they are not married in the church,” Desmond said. “They come every Sunday, and they sit in the pew.”

The parish planned this celebration to give those couples a way to come back into communion with the church, in honor of the jubilee year theme of opening the doors to Christ.

“A lot of them didn’t have the church wedding because they wanted a party, but they didn’t have the money for it, and then they just never got around to it,” Desmond said. “We said, we’ll give them a party.”

Father Esequiel Sanchez, director of Hispanic ministry for the archdiocese, said he encourages parishes to hold group wedding ceremonies for people who have been living in civil marriages, and want to avoid the attention and expense of church weddings. The problem is more common among immigrants from Latin American countries where priests cannot officiate at a legally binding wedding ceremony, he said.

At St. Francis of Assisi/Our Lady of the Angels, each of the eight couples will walk down the aisle, joining 10 or 15 other couples who will renew their vows at the same Mass. Afterwards, all are invited to a potluck supper in the gym, complete with a band to provide music for dancing. Each of the wedding parties will have their own head table and side tables for family and friends, and there will be room for anniversary couples and their well-wishers, Desmond said.

One parish also remembers those who might feel especially alone on Valentine’s Day. Cardinal George will celebrate a special St. Valentine’s Day Mass for widows and widowers at St. Catherine of Siena-St. Lucy Parish at 2 p.m. Feb. 13. This is the second time the parish’s Bereavement Ministry has sponsored a Valentine’s Day liturgy for widows and widowers, open to all.

“We did this with the idea that possibly, these people don’t have anyone to send them a valentine. Their children might, but it’s not the same,” said Christine Wedekind, of the parish’s bereavement ministry. “We want to show support from the faith community to these people who have lost their soul mates, that we have not forgotten them.”

The ministry also asks that friends and family members of widows and widowers, or anyone who wants to show support, attend the Mass.

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